Torn apart between Libra and Scorpio, I cannot define my personality as well. I seem to be optimistic yet pessimistically emotional. I want to be the best yet might sometimes be too lazy to put in my best. Whatever that is, I guess my blog speaks better than myself.
Stop digging more secrets. Stop unfolding more truths.
It will just end here. Everything. He has feelings for a girl whom he knew for only 2 months. I am just an asset...for the past 7 years.
I defended him. We don't judge him when we don't know what he is thinking. But all along, I knew it was that girl. I asked. He denied. Now...for the very last time...I told him. I trust you. He says nothing.
All I want is you to tell me, you have feelings for her. You are hanging there. You didn't further develop with her, perhaps because you don't want people to see you as a jerk.
All along you told me you have feelings for someone. I asked you who. I asked you if it's true, I'll just let go. You never say anything. Later then, you told me not really feelings. Your heart is now dead. I asked if you have been a single for the past few months. You said yes. And there you wrote you have those good memories with her and you will miss her no matter how long it takes. This is not how things gonna fucking work.
I cherish you as someone...I wanted to forgive...and try again. You took me as an asset...a choice that if she doesn't want you...I am still there for you.
Today, you told me...we can never be together again. I should be the one telling you this.
I don't want you anymore. I'm definitely not a choice and will never be "one" of those choices.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish the two of you can work. Because...I'm trying to work here too...I don't get choose by someone. I holds the control. It is not heaven that wants to give me a chance to try. It is I who decide if I should give you another chance. I hurt you. I'm sorry. You let me down. I don't demand any apology.
I hope she will be your bride. Cause somehow I don't want you to get hurt again. But don't worry. On the day of your wedding, I know someone will be there...hugging me while watching you walking down the aisle with your future love. I will hope that you find your true love...only when you know what is love.
The Yixiang I love has gone for a holiday. Yes. He's not coming back.
Xueling, you will move on with or without someone. and rest assure...you will live better than ever.
After months of crying and trying hard to get him back.
Today, I laughed. I smiled. I was happy.
My assumption is that: He has always wanted to be with that girl. But he is afraid that he would be seen as a jerk. He is afraid that he will hurt my heart.
And stupid me still thinking I can feel him and yada yada. That's idiotic. haha... Today saw his friendster message to that girl. He really likes her. I'm happy. I hurt him...He has the right to go for another girl.
She looks cute to me lah. haha. And she has two cute dogs. He also likes dogs. I wish that happiness. Two are very compatible.
ehz...But I never drop a tear after realising all this. I'm happy. He's not fooling around after all.
Then i realised...maybe... He's strong, he has never needed me. After we broke up, he once said: "I don't need love. I can survive without love."
Come to think of it. Yup, yixiang...you have always been a strong man. You took care of me. You loved me. Little that I realise that... You have always been very independent.
You don't need me. Yes, you may still have the feelings. But maybe just that...you do not need me. That's why you can move on that fast.
Ya, Xin~~ You are so right about it. I've to admit a leopard will never change its spots, Even till today, when he and I are both single entities, with no relations at all, I'm still feeling the jealousy and possessiveness.
How can I ever promise I'll be a better person for him? He said he was busy and there he went out with some other girls to celebrate his birthday. He said he was outside studying and there I realise he brought a girl to see a doctor when she was down with flu.
Well, I trust him. He said they are just friends...and seriously I do trust him. But I just don't feel right. I mean it ain't suppose to feel right, unless I don't have any feelings anymore.
Anyway, he gave me his trust when we were together. Shouldn't I trust him more especially now he is a single... I am also free to flirt if I want, ain't I?
Like what he said, friends to him are now the most important part of his life. Regardless if is a he or she. He's right... How many friends have been by my side and helping me for the past few months?
Ranging from Xi You Ji gang, ten sisters and to even those who have never met me for years:
Junyao Wende Kok lin Angie Liqi Kem Guan Jacelyn Weihui Weixin Jiayan Hanwen Shuting Phui san Linda Anna Jinda Jefferson Jiahui Yasin etc etc.
Yes, I just couldn't let it go. I understand that I'm being too possessive. Let him be what he likes. Let him be with whom he likes. Give him the freedom he has longed...Afterall I've tied him for the past 7 years.
When he wants to settle down again...he will also have a clearer mind if he should come back for me or not. Like what Jinda said...Now is the time for him to have his fun.
Come on...Xueling...Where's the old you? Do something that you haven't tried and wanted to for years. Go out and have helluva fun. And you shall realise why he ain't turning back for the moment.
Please make our relationship a great and holy adventure. May our joining be a sacred space. May the two of us find rest here, a haven for our souls.
Remove from us any temptation to judge one another or to direct one another. We surrender to You our conflicts and our burdens. We know You are our Answer and our rock. Help us to not forget.
Bring us together in heart and mind as well as body. Remove from us the temptation to criticize or be cruel. May we not be tempted by fantasies and projections, but guide us in the ways of holiness. Save us from darkness.
May this relationship be a burst of light. May it be a fount of love and wisdom for us, for our family, for our community, for our world.
May this bond be a channel for Your love and healing, a vehicle of Your grace and power. As lessons come and challenges grow, let us not be tempted to forsake each other. Let us always remember that in each other we have the most beautiful woman, the most beautiful man, the strongest one, the sacred one in whose arms we are repaired.
May we remain young in this relationship. May we grow wise in this relationship. Bring us what You desire for us, and show us how You would have us be.
Thank you, dear God, You are the cement between us. Thank you for this love.
For the sake of personal reference, hope that I've not infringed any copyright law. haha. May everyone out there find their happiness. Remember to cherish it.
-------------------------------------------- Name : HUANG XUELING Matric No : U050736J
Module Code Module Title Grade JS2226 Global City Tokyo B+ NM2209 Social Psychology of New Media A- NM2218 Critical Introduction to Gaming A NM3217 Publications Graphics and Design A NM3219 Writing for Communication Management A
看了一些大学，发现还是香港城市大学的school of creative media比较适合我。但是，欣说那所大学就像新加坡的SIM一样。可是，后来听朋友说，我们的department有些学生也到那里做exchange. yep, maybe I really need to find out more.
好久没有这样聊天了。 记得分手的前一段日子，我们也聊不到5分钟，便会说："why not chat in msn, I need to finish up some stuff." 分手后，别说是聊天，连打个电话给他，不是被他骂，便是吵架。 难道，这真的是变了朋友后的好处？难道，继续做普通朋友会是最好的抉择？
昨晚在msn跟他聊天时，突然不知为什么便问了一些奇怪的问题。
雪："Do you care 'bout me?"
翔："Yah, y?"
雪："How much?"
翔："Dunnoe, y?"
雪："LOL, okay was just asking."
故事还没结束，我又再问了一些莫名奇妙的问题。
雪："If I die, will you cry?"
翔："Yah, y?"
雪："Then can you die first? LOL"
翔："Can, why not"
雪："Coz I dun wan you to cry. haha."
翔："But I'd rather cry than see u cry for me again."
