As I sit in front of my desktop, I’m wondering if I even qualify to pen my thoughts down as advices for the ladies out there. Whilst this may not be of any professional advice from a relationship expert, I would like to just share some of my experiences out there – for those beautiful (inner and outer) ladies who are suffering heartbreaks. It’s all about getting up, getting out and finally getting over.
It’s not you, It’s me – From the thousands of jerks out there
Yes, you heard it right and it could still be ringing deep in your ears. The guy, who told you that “I love you, and will marry you” (perhaps after sex) last night, is saying something drastically painful and contradicting now. You might be thinking. “Oh, it’s just some hurtful words from him ‘cause we just had a huge quarrel! Everything’s gonna be okay.”
So when you wake up the next morning, you realized, you had fallen out of love – you are now SINGLE. So you got up, looked at the mirror, and saw a zombified face staring right back at you. Yes, that’s you. What do you do now? *sobbed*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let it go, if it’s meant to be, it will be – For there will be an answer.
1. It’s not easy but you have to remove ALL his contacts.
BBM, MSN, WHATSAPP, FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, FRIENDSTER…
Anything that you can list on top of what I have above. PRESS THE DELETE BUTTON.
But we can remain as friends, can’t we?
Yes, you may. But trust me, this is not the time yet. Not yet. I once thought that I am strong enough to still remain as friend with him. Keeping in touch. I was wrong. I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes thinking he will leave a goodnight message or something *cause we are still friends*.
Remember, once you have broken up, you are two single entities with no strings attached and no obligations. Why would he still invest effort and time on somebody whom he has decided that it won’t work. What’s more, you won’t want to shatter your heart further when you saw his newly uploaded photos *flashing right in your face and blatantly telling you “I’ve moved on”*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. No contact for at least 60 days.
A step further from deleting his contacts is to not contact him for at least – the next 60 days.
You have already told me to delete his contacts...
Yes, I know. But I also know that deep down, his number is already etched in your mind. So the objective for removing his contacts is to also STOP contacting him.
They call it the text message terrorism. Terrorizing the lad through messenger, whatsapp, BBM, etc asking him “why, why, why”, “why can’t you give our relationship a second chance!” You need to stop it.
Guys are not Tag Heuer. They crack under pressure – From a buddy who randomly blurts out inspiring quotes that are worth a laugh. Totally.
The more you want to get an answer from the man, the more he shunned away from you. He has made it very clear. You don’t need him to repeat another “It’s not you, It’s me. You will be better off with another guy. Trust me.”
There are ten thousand reasons to be together, and one reason to walk away.
So before he thinks that you are such a lousy cry baby, who even start to stalk him on Facebook, Friendster (worst to even log in to his email account using his password), etc, you need to show him that you will be fine with or without him. At least stop clinging onto him with a question that clearly will not have an acceptable nor logical answer. At least, when you leave the relationship, you know that you have left with DIGNITY.
What if he wants to be with me again?
This only happens in the movies. If he has decided that it would not work out, what makes him suddenly think that “hey, it will work again!” Unless there is a very, very good reason or something about the both of you have changed – this rarely happens in a short period of time. Even if the both of you got together again, don’t be surprised of a second breakup.
WHAT IF HE TRULY WANTS ME BACK!!!
Alright, sometimes miracle does happen. Note the word “miracle” (painful but true). And I have also seen a very few couples back together after a breakup. But if he really wants you back. He WILL find a way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ **** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Keep a journal and pen down the whole list of things on “how he sucks (hello, not literally in case you are wondering)”
When you are out of the relationship, your brain keeps telling you the good ‘o memories both of you had together. You seemed to have forgotten the anger, frustrations and pain that the man had once inflicted on you. So with a fresh memory still in place, write down the whole list of items you hate about the man. Yes, keep repeating the scenarios when he tried to kiss you with his bad breath, hug you with a bad odor or had a bad dress/hair day.
In that journal, you may also want to write down how sad or depressed you feel. A channel for you to vent your frustrations. You may want to write down how much you wanted him back, etc. This is a way for you to let out your thoughts and feelings rather than picking up the phone and text messaged him the words. Note that this journal should not be accessible by the man but only close friends who want to know how you are doing and be there for you. The man should not be in the knowledge that you are still in great pain because of his decision.
You, alone, are responsible for your own happiness
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To be continued ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Labels: breakup, get out, get over, get up
